In a minute

Or not at all

Internal—and sometimes external—dialogue.

Hang on.

Wait

Just a minute

Say that again please.

Let me read that one more time.

I’ve worked really hard at focusing on one thing at a time. I’ve written about slowing down and the myth of multitasking in a previous essay here.

Not everyone practices pausing. I learned the technique early in my recovery.

Pause when agitated.

Pause when confused as to the proper response.

Pause when doing too many things at once.

Just. Fucking. Pause.

Pausing before responding can be thought of as a tremendous kindness—not to just to yourself—but to others. This does not resonate in our current online culture. React—respond—overreact—freak out—opine—spread to our friends before any critical thinking occurs. Most online content is actually created exactly for that reaction. Thankfully—and for the most part—Substack has not devolved into that cesspool yet.

It’s soooo important that I be the first one to comment on this! It’s not.

It’s sooooo important that everyone know how I feel about this. It isn’t.

We’ve let it carry over into our face-to-face interactions as well. We feel attacked by everything as if whatever drivel comes off someone’s keyboard—or out of someone’s mouth—is meant for us exclusively.

It’s not.

If you do pause—take a beat—take a breath—you’re behaving differently. And that’s a good thing.

I’ve found very recently that I’m capable of catching myself. This—after years of practice. Often it’s still too late—I’ve already reacted or responded. But with the self-awareness of what I did I can continue to change it slowly. It works. Next time maybe I won’t respond at all—without first letting the emotion pass.

It’s basic Cognitive Behavior Therapy—which is very widely used by therapists to treat various forms of diagnosed mental illness. Aren’t we all just a little bit sick in how we respond to each other—particularly online?

This technique also touches on Somatic Experience Therapy—which is widely used and understood to help PTSD—eating disorders—and general anxiety. Your body contains centuries of genetic wisdom. It knows when you’re in discomfort—even if your mind relishes it. By pausing your mind’s overwhelming desire to react—and allowing ourselves to connect to our hearts and our bellies—we re-establish the centuries-old connection between mind, body, and spirit.

In my early recovery days I was gently and repeatedly asked to Pause when Agitated. This was shared with me so much so that it began to elicit an immediate—and pissed off—response.

Fuck that.

Stop telling me that.

Exactly. Patience grasshopper.