Laughing at ourselves

The most refreshing and vital release

Happy Friday Sober Minders!

Combining three of my favorite things this week—good friends—philanthropy for a cause I believe in—and golf. My friends Alvin, Jamie, Jeff, and I are in the Coachella Valley for the Grant Fuhr Celebrity Invitational golf tournament to benefit the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation. The NHL Hall of Fame goalie and his wife Lisa put on an amazing event each year. The event is on Saturday but our small group—traveling in from Texas, Colorado, Georgia, and Florida—took the week out here for maximum golf and fellowship.

I had this essay in draft form for a couple weeks. After yesterday’s 36 hole adventure—it made sense to push GO on it today.

Life presents us with daily opportunities to react and respond to the Doh! moments in our lives. Golf seems to concentrate more of those moments. When a fucked-up moment happens on the golf course—some golfers react with anger—some with seething frustration. The freedom felt while among close friends seems to crack open the code—pop the seal—open the floodgates. A sudden burst of laugher at your buddy’s misfortune comes back at you triple-strength when you have one of your own.

Bwaaaa! Did you see that? Oh yes I did that.

Yesterday was one of the more challenging rounds of golf any of us had played in a long time. A combination of the conditions, the weather—the shape of our games—the level of our skills—made for a raucous day of laughter. Thank God we had that.

I don’t know who to credit for this great golf saying—but I’m sure it’s of Scottish origin: D’ya know why they named it Golf? Cuz Fuck was already taken.

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Several times a day I have a good chuckle at myself. Now and then I crack myself up.

I don’t mind if you laugh along with me—as long as you don’t mind my mirth at your own hi-jinks.

There are many forms of relief in this life. Some of them are unhealthy—either short or long term. Trust me I’ve tried most all of them.

One of the purest forms of relief is to laugh out loud. The uncontrollable belly laugh that comes when you’re stuck dumb by something—amused—or even terrified.

When that release comes at the expense of your own careless or downright stupid behavior—it’s even more powerful.

Dropping a glass jar of something full and slimy—like pickles or jelly.

Saying something wildly inappropriate at exactly the right time.

Realizing the fly of your jeans is unzipped.

Hitting a really stupid golf shot or putt.

Banging your shin on the corner of the coffee table.

Wearing mismatched socks to a fancy evening out.

Catching yourself in a meaningless lie—the kind that you’re not sure why it came out of your mouth until—well there it is.

The cover up is most evil. Laughing at yourself and correcting it immediately with a simple: I don’t know why I just said that—it’s simply not true. I apologize.

That my friends—is true relief.

image courtesy of The Norm. @NormRockwell

Much of the world we live in is a clown show. Every single person says and does stupid shit—a lot. Groups only exacerbate the silly and stupid. Every single person in that moment has a choice to make. Pretend if didn’t happen—cry about it and hoping no one saw it—or correct it with a humble giggle.

all images from Freepik Images

Which would you prefer from someone else? Why is it so hard for us to do?

Fear of looking silly.

Fear of being called a liar.

Fear of being judged.

Fear.

How refreshing would it be to hear or read someone’s self-correction?

There are enough serious issues in our world to last us generations. Enough to worsen the already serious mental and physical health scenarios facing our fellow humans. I’m not attempting to minimize the serious issues that divide us—but it seems to this observer that the shit we get most worked up about have little to do with the really important stuff we’re facing. A little less offense taken—a lot less rage—way more laughter—especially at our ownselves would go far.

How much more intimate and interesting are we as people when we admit our mistakes—chuckle—and move on with a wink?

We are surrounded daily by What the Actual Fuck? moments. Depending on our belief systems—that moment with either anger us—offend us—or make us laugh.

I long for Monty Python-style skits of today’s cultural insanity.

Comedian Louie Anderson was raised in a St. Paul housing project by his mom and his alcoholic father. He made a career out of laughing at himself more than most. In interviews where Anderson revealed his difficult childhood—how he used food all of his life to cope with his own shame—his continued shame as an adult for being overweight—he reveals that laughing at his own condition was the key that unlocked his comedy.

One of my personal favorite routines was his Stupid Gun bit. It’s not what you think—he wished for a gun that you could shoot at people that had been silly or stupid and it would put them asleep for 10 minutes. He riffed on how funny it would be to be driving along and see all these cars sitting idle on the side of the road—guess they must have done something stupid? Just then in his routine he’d say oops!—feign falling asleep. It was longer and more drawn out with elaborate descriptions of stupid human tricks.

Many of us did things freely as children and often the outcome wasn’t what we expected. We fell flat on our faces. And we laughed. Not everyone did. I suppose—and research indicates—this was when self-consciousness began. If you were surrounded by healthy friends and family who could laugh with you and help you pick up the pieces you were fortunate. Many children grew up in environments where every action—silly or unintentional as it might have been—was punished or shamed. Laughter was less accessible to them at a young age—and more difficult to develop as an adult.

Try it the next time you feel like screaming at the World or at a fellow human being. There’s a good chance that the emotion you’re feeling has more to do with you than it does with them. Careful though—if that person is tightly wound they may not appreciate being laughed at. Don’t laugh at them. Laugh instead at the absurdity. Laugh at yourself and your reactions. Laugh at how truly humorous and out of your control things are.

What a healthy response.