Friends, this essay was first published a year ago and not seen by many. I was just getting my Substack legs under me. Now I’m fully committed—and want to share again. Please let’s remember what Memorial Day is all about—besides BBQ and school breaks. It’s about remembering those who made the ultimate commitment—the ultimate sacrifice—so that we can freely enjoy the beginning of summer.
Enjoy. Happy Memorial Day weekend!
Is there anything in life that requires more commitment than soldiering?
The cost of failure is your life. As we enter this Memorial Day weekend, there are so many reminders of how and why we should be extremely grateful to those who made the ultimate sacrifice for our country. Despite all of our leadership issues, cultural battles, and political division, America is still the best place to live by a long measure. Proof of that is visibly obvious at our southern border by the millions who want to come here from other, less safe or attractive places. The soldiers who died fighting in wars to create independence, freedom, liberty, and peace were committed to the cause of the United States.
This weekend as we mourn and celebrate those individuals who throughout our short history have made the ultimate sacrifice, I’d like to honor them by discussing the concept of commitment.
Commitment: (definition):
the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.
a pledge or undertaking.
an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action
All good definitions. But what if the commitment, rather than restricting freedom of action, actually creates freedom of action? Shouldn’t that also be a definition of commitment? Doesn’t sacrificing one’s life for their country actually create or sustain freedom? One would hope so. Regardless of how you feel about the legitimacy of the many wars fought by the US, the concept of fighting for our liberties and our way of life remains. We must continue to honor that. The alternative life under tyranny and dictatorial rule is difficult to imagine for anyone who was born into or won their citizenship. Examples exist in the World all around us. We cannot afford to be lazy or complacent about our freedoms or we will surely lose them.
Like your life depends on it. Because it does.
How about committing to a life of sobriety? Definitely some parallels for those of us that have done so. There might be some restriction of activity created by the act of getting clean and sober. To stay that way, you must not ingest any mind-altering substances. But the real byproduct of a sober life is freedom itself.
I certainly don’t intend to minimize the tragedy of war. What I do mean is that the battle with addiction is equally dangerous and costly to humans. The losses are just as staggering. The impact to families just as tragic. The attempts at remediation just as failed.
Addiction and substance abuse is a particularly pernicious and insidious form of tyranny—of slavery. It is similar to life in a tyrannical country in that there is no actual choice. The choices are made for you. It is different in that no one goes around raving about living under tyranny, while with alcohol and drugs that’s exactly what happens. Sports, lifestyle, travel, leisure activities revolve around imbibing and indulging. We don’t laugh about human suffering under a cruel dictator—though we often chuckle at the sight of our fucked-up friends—or at a stranger’s drunken folly. When it happens in your own life, trust me when I say you won’t be amused. Like moms everywhere have said to their children; it’s all fun and games until someone puts an eye out.
In my younger years I was often labeled a commitment-phobe by lovers and friends. But I couldn’t have started and run a successful company with employees—captained a national championship team— or enjoyed the life-long, lasting friendships and relationships that I have—without some level of commitment. I’ve talked in many essays about my relationship with things. What I had was a toxic relationship with alcohol and drugs. Because of it, my relationships with others, and with other endeavors, suffered because my attention and my commitment were split. I was in a 3-way. When push came to shove, booze always won out. I could show up sometimes for others, but I always showed up for the bottle.
No such luxury in sobriety. Like your life depends on it. Because it does. If I rank my commitment priorities, it looks like this:
Sobriety
Faith (higher power)
Ann
My health and wellness.
My family (including my 4-legged ones)
My close circle of friends
My endeavors
That may differ from yours. I understand. For me, there is nothing that ranks higher on my list than sobriety. Even God knows this. Without 1 and 2, none of the rest of the list are even possible. I could not be the husband, brother, son, friend, or colleague that I aspire to be (one day at a time) without the foundational commitment to sobriety. Why does sobriety as a thing rank higher than God? God (a higher power in the Universe) exists without me being sober. We just don’t have much of a relationship. But with sobriety, I have a loving and present understanding of, and relationship with, my higher power and the Universe. I can love because of sobriety. As most of us know, love is a verb—it involves commitment and action. Love is not a feeling. In love also, commitment creates freedom. So, sobriety comes first. Because of it, I am free.
We talk in recovery often about those that try, but don’t make it or don’t get it. The willingness comes first. You have to want to. Regardless of the pressures and ultimatums and fuckups and interventions, no one gets sober for their family or their children or their job. We get sober because we’re done. We are sick and tired and finally become willing. Hopefully that willingness comes before you run out of chances. Many people don’t get another chance. Boom. They’re gone.
To stay sober requires a level of commitment to keep yourself out of a prison, a hospital or psych ward, or a cemetery. Many millions of people have been willing, and then lacked the commitment. We all know of someone—maybe in your own family. I know firsthand. It took me several tries and failures over many years before it finally stuck. Before I accepted the gift. Before I finally said, Oh…that’s what it takes.
Like your life depends on it. Out of that commitment, freedom is born. Choices. Life. Liberty. The pursuit of happiness.
On this Memorial Day weekend, think of those that lost their lives fighting the battles.
Live free or die.
Such a beautiful comparison to those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for others, and the ultimate sacrifice we make for ourselves. Thank you, Dee.
A really important idea, you added there, Dee, about commitment creating not restricting freedom. That other, uncommitted state is, all depending, license, carelessness, irresponsibility. Enjoy your holiday, my friend.