There are no shortcuts to spiritual fitness

The abundance of spiritual tourism

Let’s be clear from the start. I’m not saying “I am and you’re not.” K? I’m exploring a topic that is important to me, and if the state of our society is any indication, it should be important to everyone.

Competition is a natural part of any pursuit of fitness or growth. It’s not even particularly American, although we do tend to bury the knife a little deeper. For a couple of summers during and after college I worked as a trainer at Ballys. Remember those mirror-lined show-off and hookup clubs? Oh yeah, I was all that and then some. Emotionally I was a child. Physically I was a powerful man. As we’ve seen demonstrated in our society again and again, this can be a lethal combination. When I was in peak physical condition in my 20s, competing at a very high level, I was also at the peak of my drinking and using. My youthful metabolism allowed me to operate a big, fast boat on that river in Egypt da’ Nile.

Physical fitness has a look and feel. The results are more obvious. One can make a difference quickly or more slowly, but eventually the results become visually apparent. One can be physically fit and emotionally weak. Hence the mirrors. We are a culture obsessed with looking good rather than being good. Social media presents influencers and a steady stream of self-improvement tips, tricks, and tools that if used, we can immediately share with our followers. Look at me, look at me, look at me. The power of learned experience and gathered wisdom is diminished in our culture. The value we put on forestalling the inevitable decline of our physical being far outweighs the acquired value of wisdom and growth internally.

I most certainly am not devaluing the pursuit of physical fitness. It is an important part of the integration of mind, body, and spirit. Health is one of the key scarcities we are faced with every day of our lives. No amount of money, fame, or success can buy you good health or longevity. But having the presence of mind to understand that fact requires self-awareness and a pursuit of spiritual fitness equal to, if not greater than, our pursuit of physical fitness.

Spiritual fitness is harder to recognize, but there are indications of a widespread lack thereof. The self-help industry is booming. Recent industry statistics show that the self-improvement industry is valued at $13.2 billion with an annual compounded growth rate of 5-6%. Self-improvement apps make up approximately 20% of that market, with the majority being in book publishing, workshops, life coaching, and productivity hacks. It is estimated that women drive 70% of this market. It is estimated that there are over 200,000 podcasts dedicated to self-improvement of some kind. Much of this market focuses on work-related productivity, but other categories include mental health, relationships, weight management, and financial management.

We’re all looking for guidance as to how to improve our lives. If the statistics hold true and we actually spend that much on self-help, then why as a society are we so depressed, anxious, angry, judgmental, and suicidal? Why do so many of us see ourselves as victims? What the fuck, over?

Spiritual fitness is about developing your coping and resilience skills through understanding your own beliefs and how you interact with the world. What are the indications that a person is spiritually fit? It’s not as easy to recognize as physical fitness. Beware “spiritual tourists.” People that truly have something to offer you are often difficult to find or identify. In recovery, we often speak about “attraction vs. promotion.” What I have personally found is that our teachers are presented to us when we need them. We may not recognize them right away. If you’re truly seeking, there are signs that are recognizable. Watch what people do rather than what they say.

Here are some major indicators to apply to yourself and others:

Peace. Do you find it in nature? In your God or higher power? In your tribe or community? Maybe in your fitness routine. A truly peaceful person resonates with it.

Awareness. Is your head in the same place as your feet? Are you able to focus on the moment at hand in this distracted world? Are you aware of what your body is telling you? Can you identify your stressors? Your triggers? Self-awareness requires self-examination. Are you walking through your day-to-day life in mindless routine and insane repetition. Mindfulness (an overused buzzword like wellness) is the practice of being aware of how you move yourself through your world, and how you might improve the routines if they’re not working to your own benefit.

Purpose. Do you believe in a cause or a purpose greater than yourself? Do you believe in a higher power? Getting up every morning and having something larger to focus your energy on is a key to spiritual fitness. The world is full of self-important people and narcissists seeking their own power and glory. We all see the results of that in the daily news.

Routine. There is no question that spiritual fitness requires daily devotion. Practitioners of 12-step programs around the world, in dealing with different types of addiction, rely upon practicing behaviors one day at a time. When you add up a bunch of days, real change happens.

Community and Connection. Nothing lights up the effort of individuals seeking change more than having a wingman or buddy. Workout partners, yoga buddies, 12-step rooms, charitable organizations, teams, all rely upon joining together to achieve a common purpose.

I have found more and more “spiritual tourism” along my own journey. And let me say at this point that I have much work to do. It is a daily practice to set aside my own judgments, many of which you’ll recognize in this essay. But I’m trying. More and more these days I encounter someone who claims to be a healer. A coach. A shaman. A spiritual seeker. A guru. They offer counseling, advice, guidance on how they found the holy grail in their own lives. Fair enough and good for them. I wish them all the success in the world. Don’t be fooled into believing that they all have something to teach you. What I’ve discovered is that many of these individuals have simply decided to build a business around their own search. Some are as crazy as shithouse rats. The “process” of their own healing involves charging money to tell their story to others. They may be a wee bit ahead of you in the journey. But many don’t possess any knowledge that can’t find on your own.

Another place I’ve found a lot of tourism is in social justice and cause-related activism. Some people that show up to peacefully (or not) protest something, add the little badges and flags to their social media accounts, put their pronouns in their profiles, and practice all of the other modern methods of virtue signaling, are often the angriest, nastiest people I’ve ever met or known. It takes one little scratch, or a well-crafted argument, and their little BS bubble is shattered. This is not resilience. Being good and doing good is not the same as scolding, shaming and yelling.

The meaningful part of spiritual growth is for each of us in turn to do for ourselves. If done properly, it is hard. It is most often painful. It takes time…one single day at a time. Here’s where parallels with physical fitness stand out. There isn’t a pill. There are no shortcuts. Transforming your body takes work, consistency, and commitment. That’s why a vast majority of our population simply won’t or don’t do it. When you’re spiritually fit, or at least trying to be, you own your own behavior. You’re accountable to others. You’re willing to stand corrected. You admit when you’re wrong.

Ask a world-class athlete who has been training their entire lives when it was that they’ve made the most improvement and growth. They will likely answer that it was after suffering a season or career-ending injury. It was then that their focus and commitment had an extra measure of urgency. And fear.

Ask a person who was overweight or obese most of their lives when it was that they’ve made the most improvement and growth. They will likely answer that it was after a doctor scared the shit out of them, or they grew sick and tired of the shame heaped upon them.

Ask a person who is a recovering alcoholic or addict (oh wait that’s me) when it was that they’ve made the most improvement and growth. They will most definitely answer that it was when they had lost enough, and suffered enough, and had nowhere to go but up from the bottom; however that bottom is defined.

Some sort of physical or emotional trauma is a common theme. We’ve all experienced trauma in our lives. Author and physician Gabor Mate speaks of “little t” and “big t” events. Uncovering and dealing with the trauma in our lives is the way to healthy and often rapid recovery. If you acknowledge its impact on you and then take the steps to minimize its impact on your current life, you’re practicing healthy resilience. If you ignore it, deny it, medicate against it, or play the victim and keep blaming, then you can’t help but heap that energy on those around you. Hurt people hurt others. Experts talk about things like domestic abuse or alcoholism as “learned behaviors” that were unconsciously taught by the previous generation to the next. Certainly, you could add in a list of social behaviors such as how you treat the other sex or those with different societal or economic circumstances than your own.

Spiritually fit people deal with life’s uncertainties and current traumas in a healthy and resilient way. They have dealt with the past. They know that so much of what comes at them in life is outside of their control. They focus on changing what is within their control, and don’t waste time railing against things they cannot change. Victims do not think this way.

All of this is an evolution. There is no finish line. One of the hardest things about living a sober life is those moments when the shit hits the fan, and you have to stand in there and wear it all over yourself. There’s no option to run to the kitchen for a bottle. Can’t smoke a bowl or snort a line or pop a pill. You simply have to reach deep into whatever coping toolbox you’ve developed in your recovery…and fucking deal with it.

In my first paragraph I mentioned that there always seems to be competition in these types of pursuits. “I’m stronger than you.” Maybe so. “I’m richer than you.” Who cares? “I’m more spiritually evolved than you.” The fact that you think that, or just said that means that no, you’re not.

Pursue the path. Seek the truth. Heal the wound. Repair the injury. The human body, mind, and spirit are incredibly resilient. If you keep your head and your heart open to possibilities, keep your nose in the air for the smell of bullshit, admit when you’re wrong, and put others before yourself; you’ll be winning the race.

It works if you work it.