Too Sober?

Is there such a thing?

Thank you for being here for my now periodic essays. I appreciate you taking the time to read and potentially weigh in below if you read anything that stimulates further thought or comment by you.

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This essay is about sobriety. I swear it is. You’ll have to allow me some latitude in how I get there. Sorta like building out a character or a scene. I’m laying the groundwork for how I think soberly by first telling you what I think. Indulge me in an exercise in sober minded thinking,

Occasionally I’ll wade into politics in my essays. If you’ve enjoyed, agreed, or disagreed, please keep this in mind. My beliefs come from a thorough process of self-examination of my own belief systems. I’ve written about this rather thoroughly a couple years back. Our BS is based on our OS and should be always subject to examination.

I do not support blind ideology.

I do not respond to virtue signaling.

I am allergic to hysterical and emotional responses.

I have seen too much evidence that our corporate media system is dishonest and agenda-driven to believe most of what they say. You may remember that I spent some of my business career producing television. Granted it was primarily in sports, but I have enough experience with “anchors” and “hosts” to know who and what they are. Smart, critical, or thoughtful would not be words I would use to describe most.

The current two-party political system, and our hysteria around one side or the other being the savior and/or the devil, is absurd and broken.

I do not know how to fix it. But I do have some sense of how we might individually fix some of how we respond to it all. How it affects us. How we might move forward in our personal lives without allowing a world on fire to be our locus of attention.

Enforceable terms limits would be start, as would the elimination of corporate lobby and dark money funding of politics. Our politicians are bought and paid for. Corruption and fraud is rampant. We citizens pay the cost of it, both financially and culturally. Those of you reading from another country might be giggling at the US and I’m not sure why. Your country may have evolved into some form of free-ish society that calls itself democratic, but America is the only experiment born and raised in a constitutional Republic from the beginning. We’re still in the journey of discovering whether or not it will work. I would remind you that most of you (Europeans) arrived where you are because of Americans. Love us or hate us, you have that freedom—in this country—and in your own because of our direct efforts. Show me an exception—I’ll wait.

Criticizing politicians is our right in a country that protects free speech constitutionally. In my humble opinion, it’s also just tired and objectively ineffective. Their advisors simply remake their messages so that you hear exactly what it is you need to hear. Shape-shifting grifters.

To this sober-minded writer and observer of human behavior, I am informed and entertained by those that can write, comment, and report on politics with a healthy level of discernment, distance, and reality. Add a healthy sense of humor—both about their subject and their own take on it—and you have my attention.

What is it that causes me to dismiss someone’s take on politics or a particular politician? The very minute someone allows their powerful human emotions to be the primary driver of their actions. Unlike a therapist who is being paid to sit there and listen to the eruption, I have the choice to walk away. And I do.

Sobriety taught me about discernment. Sobriety taught me how to pause when agitated. Sobriety taught me to respond rather than react. This isn’t judgement. This is for your own protection—and mine.

You are always entitled to your opinion. Always. Fundamental freedom of our country granted by our first amendment. You are not entitled to disrupt the lives of others because of that opinion. Period.

My personal view of sobriety. No mind-altering substances. Period. I’m all for people quitting or not quitting their substances in order to improve their lives. The question has always been, regardless of the substance or coping behavior: Do you have it or does it have you? No judgement however you choose do it. My particular version means that nothing interferes with me seeing the world—and thinking about it—with a clear and substance-free mind and body.

Now some comments—not about politics—but about people’s reaction to politics. For the life of me I cannot understand why people participated in the No Kings rallies. To me, the sole benefits would be two-fold: to gather with others whose views you align with in some exercise of solidarity and virtue signaling. Mainly though I believe it’s simply an exercise in making one feel better about themselves. From that perspective I say Good for you. Knock yourself out.

But my sober counsel would be to ask you not to be fooled into thinking that you’re doing it for any other reason. Much like the Black Lives Matter, the Women’s marches against Trump’s first election, and the anti-ICE and law enforcement protests. These efforts are funded by wealthy and powerful manipulators of public thinking. Without exception they result in long-lasting fraud, property damage, death, injury, arrests, and more polarity. Look at the millions the leaders of the BLM movement absconded with for their own personal gain. Look at the damage to our culture that came from the over-emotional reaction to a drug-addicted felon’s actions in Minneapolis.

Our current President, Donald J. Trump, is a polarizing figure. Just over half the country hates his very existence. Just over half—enough to win him a second presidential election—love him. My own feelings on Trump are irrelevant, with the following exception. I don’t FEEL very much one way or another about him as a man. Not any more or less than any other elected official in our country. I’ve made my observations about politicians in general very clear in this newsletter over time.

The words that come out of most politicians’ mouths mean next to nothing. Obama used to flower us with eloquent speech about hope and change and then his actions demonstrated him to be just another one of the same breed. Biden said nothing…or couldn’t remember what he’d said…or ranted off the rails. His actions demonstrated him to be…wait, what were his actions again? Schumer? Johnson? Please.

Trump says things with the sole purpose to elicit response. Either to inflame or deflect. His actions are what you have to keep your eyes on. Personally I find many of his actions to be in the best interest of country, particularly from the standpoint of national security and energy independence, which is also about national security. His highly inflammatory statement in the last 24 hours about …a civilization will be destroyed.. Really? Why would you waste one second of your energy being angry about that statement? It is purely a tool of political rhetoric to elicit a strong response and direct attention away from the real target. Personally, I believe we’ll be taking Kharg Island with Marines. Or, he’ll announce a pause due to a sudden last minute negotiation.

From this morning’s New York Times: (and trust me when I say that this is the first time I’ve ever used a quote from that rag in my newsletter.)

A stark disconnect between reality and rhetoric surfaced on Tuesday as U.S. forces continued their methodical strikes on military targets in Iran even as their commander in chief raised his steady stream of threats directed at Iran to apocalyptic levels.

The United States launched a series of more than 90 strikes on Kharg Island, Iran’s oil export hub, early Tuesday. A U.S. military official characterized the Kharg strikes as “restrikes” — hitting targets that have been struck before to ensure more damage. He said that the United States was not yet striking Iranian infrastructure on the island, which lies in the Persian Gulf off the country’s southern coast.

But President Trump was spending his day delivering an end-of-the-world-style message. “A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again,” Mr. Trump said in a social media post. “I don’t want that to happen, but it probably will.”

Gaps between Mr. Trump’s threats and the realities on the ground are often wide. On Tuesday, they were cavernous. Several military officials appeared to struggle to reconcile the military campaign that they said that they were carrying out — namely to degrade Iran’s ability to launch ballistic missiles and drones — with the End of Days nature of their boss’s threats.

My observations about Trump, like any other president we’ve had, are based on their actions as the leader of our nation. History is always the ultimate judge. My judgements don’t make any meaningful difference, with the following exception. I do not let my observations and opinions of his actions emotionally overwhelm my personal life. My life of sobriety and serenity are far more important to me.

Granted, I have the fortunate perspective of someone who has survived 68 years on this planet. I also have a hard-won perspective as a sober man who deeply embraces the idea that my addictive behaviors and dysfunction were not a direct result of drugs or alcohol, but rather my need to cope with underlying discomfort and pain. That discomfort and pain is almost never caused by the external events at hand, but rather something set deeper inside of me. The substances merely masked and often exacerbated that discomfort.

The control levers that I have in place to maintain my sobriety and serenity are the only thing between me and a highly charged emotional reaction to a situation. I am human and have the same emotions rising in me as we all do. But…when I feel a sense of agitation coming on, when I feel that feeling rising up in my body from seemingly nowhere, I know that I must pause, examine, and wait for that feeling to diminish. Certainly, there are times when a quick reaction is necessary, when my life or those of my loved ones is at risk. Politics does not—to this point—rise to that level.

My Substack friend Kyle Shepard writes: There is a beautiful dichotomy between caring deeply and not giving a fuck. Find your place in both.

I love that. Stepping back from my reactions to politics, external events, or the loony behavior of others does not mean I don’t give a fuck. I just won’t give my own fucks to it. I hold onto my fucks and don’t give them easily.

Do the Iranian people deserve my compassion? Yes. To the degree that I’m empathetic to their plight. Does the Israeli people’s right to exist deserve my compassion? Yes. To the degree that I can help by being there is support of my many Jewish friends. Does the suffering of others who have not been as fortunate as me deserve my compassion? Yes. To the degree that I can directly help with my time or my treasure. But I do not spend my waking hours worrying about them. Nor do I worry about what France thinks of us. Or Great Britain. Despite their protestations, they all want what we have: the freedom to live our lives as we see fit. They don’t have the same governing documents that we do in America. So far, this young democratic republic remains the beacon on the hill that they aspire to, whether then admit it or not.

I don’t worry about the unbelievably tiny number of cases where law enforcement acts excessively. It’s both my privilege and my choice to behave in a manner that doesn’t put me in a situation where I have to encounter those things.

I’ve picked out these various examples because they’re timely, but this hard life presents us with opportunities to examine our own reactions on a daily basis. Every minute, day, month, year that we live on this planet, we can choose what’s best for us and our close circle of loved ones. That is essentially all we can do. We always have that single choice. I don’t give one fuck about what others think of how I live and how I feel about things. And they me. Or at least that’s as it should be.

Feelings only translate to actions if you let them. Impulse is exactly and only that…impulse.

I just felt like doing it. Isn’t the same as I decided to do it. Feelings and impulses can only hurt others if you choose to act upon them.

In my recovery I’ve learned that the kitschy phrase first thought wrong is very useful, as most cliched AA phrases are. It simply means that your first impulse about how to react is often driven by emotion…by the feeling of discomfort, fear, or pain.

I’ll be the first among many to tell you that this level of discernment and detachment is not easy. It takes an enormous amount of self-reflection and changed behavior. I can also tell you that it’s worth it. The next time you feel a Pavlovian response creeping up in reaction to some other person who’s not having their best day, think about my words. Pause, reflect, walk away. Redirect your emotions and your attention. Breathe. You can thank me later. I’ve thanked my teachers many times.

See I told you this post was about sobriety after all. Peace. It comes from within.