Thanks for this. I think about the anonymity thing a lot as I read different posts here, on Substack. My personal understanding of the 11th tradition is that I should maintain personal anonymity as it pertains to membership in that particular fellowship. So, that's how I approach it. I'm a sober guy. That's no secret. I have been active in a Twelve Step program. That's as specific as I get.
When I moved to LA 5 years ago I was thrown off the 1st few times I saw an A lister or other well known celeb at a random meet sitting nearby. After that, it just became normal and like you said, regardless of who it is, we’re the same when in those rooms.
💯 it’s a natural reaction when you see someone so recognizable and somehow expect them to have some additional wisdom. All they have is what you have—Hope, healing, and honesty.
For me, I can’t recover in the dark. I can’t just contain it for when I’m in a circle of chairs or in a sobriety zoom meeting.
I take it with me, always.
Doesn’t mean I preach it. But I do love showing it - to those who are curious and to those who share in the work.
We seek commonalities rather than the differences - that’s been my experience. I have a sober pal who has 40 years of sobriety under his belt. He says - we all share a transmission line. Those of us working a program or doing the work. We transmit a common signal that we all can pick up on.
And I love hearing about celebrities who clean up their act. Sobriety IS cool. 😎
Nice piece. Yeah, not sure where I come out on all this stuff. I was taught different things by different people about this particular tradition (and Tradition 12 for that matter). On one hand, anonymity may be one of the key ingredients of one attaining true humility (your mileage may vary here). On the other hand, there are times when breaking one's anonymity is unquestionably a good thing, even through mass media. As always, comes down to motives, right? As a wise old timer once passed on to me, "what am I REALLY up to?"
I’m definitely not passing judgement on anyone Dee. Sobriety is a tough remorseless grind at the best of times.
It can be the best of times or the worst of times. In my experience the best of times come when someone loves you enough to tell you the truth.
I am by nature a belligerent character, I used to not like being told but once I became teachable by those who were qualified to teach me my life became peace filled even in the chaos we all live amongst.
I wrote what I wrote in good faith and because every soul in recovery deserves to be loved enough to be told the truth.
Fair enough. Thanks for explaining. It sounds like you’ve listened and done the work—and that’s what is required. For my part, writing helps me better understand. Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙏
I do not eat popcorn nor peanuts without singing that particular lyric to myself. I might have to go read that book now, I’ve always been a RHCP fan. Congrats on your sobriety, that’s a huge accomplishment!
This is fascinating history, thank you Dee. I appreciate the work it took to distill this info down to a workable essay and look forward to reading the book or seeing the movie.
I have always loathed their music--AK is fat cat pretentious bore like Nick Cave--both of whom have forgotten their roots. Most of the great music was made and fueled by drugs. It's just a fact. See Bill Hicks. "All pretty high on drugs." ALL the great artists were dope fiends and drunks. Sorry.
Praise God for providing a “force” that compelled many to choose…life.
I turned 21 in ‘69 & came to categorize the list of OD/artist deaths (then) as “throwing their lives away.” That’s where I was in ‘69. When John Belushi OD’d/died in 1982 I took the same attitude and contrasted his approach to John Lennon’s love of life, when gunned-down in December, 1982. I never purchased an album of anyone who took-the-risk with the lethal substances, if I owned an album when a life was lost to OD, I threw away the album. When Belushi expired, I gave away a video I had been given. Stopped listening to the Stones.
Between 1969 & 2001, came to categorize these early-death artists as self-absorbed. I believe that AA/NA can be an antidote.
In 2002, Rev. Rick Warren took the issue of self-absorption by the horns and, along with the Bible, illustrated how the alternative to self-absorption is to realize that each of us, “…were born by his purpose and for his purpose.”
“IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even your happiness. It’s far greater than your family, your career, or even your wildest dreams and ambitions. If you want to know why you were placed on this planet, you must begin with God. You were born by his purpose and for his purpose.”
Emerging from this perspective was Mother Theresa, serving in India, being far from self-oriented. A new group of “suffering servants” emerged to illustrate how the perspective had changed.
On November 2,1982, I was sworn-in as a police officer, that night, my trainer and I responded to a double suicide. The following day, two autopsies, that night, death notifications to family. My daughter was 5 weeks old & son was 3. Our functioning brains have to ask the question, “Why ?” Two years later, in December, the town I policed with a population of 10,000, had three suicides that I worked, the same question came to my mind.
I have to choose life & be a part of its preservation. In a paper Nobel Economist Milton Friedman published in the “Washington Star” in 1971 - on Social Security- he made the stark case from his Jewish tradition that individuals have autonomy over their own lives. I was always uncomfortable with that and Rick Warren’s opening statement provided the best rebuttal to Friedman’s Jewish view.
As you have stated so well, death is an equalizer between us and “rock stars”…they lose their status, as Solomon shared.
In the case for Life, there has to be a purpose. If one has read Warren’s book about “the purpose” he supports his Thesis from passages from the Bible.
I believe Warren made his case. May God turn any perspective of self-absorption into a human-service oriented life…similar to the Master.
― Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?
100% agree Phil. Thanks for your comment as always I appreciate you reading. It was one of the hardest things for me about recovery—having been brought up as a strong, self-determined man with a required belief in God.
I was finally able to accept that God’s grace was my way out—and that my own self-will had led me to that place where only grace could save me. I now have an actual relationship with my God rather than the perfunctory belief that was fed to me by the church as a child.
My purpose is now—and has been for the last 15 years—very clear.
Thanks for this. I think about the anonymity thing a lot as I read different posts here, on Substack. My personal understanding of the 11th tradition is that I should maintain personal anonymity as it pertains to membership in that particular fellowship. So, that's how I approach it. I'm a sober guy. That's no secret. I have been active in a Twelve Step program. That's as specific as I get.
Good for you Tom. Keep it up. Thanks for sharing.
When I moved to LA 5 years ago I was thrown off the 1st few times I saw an A lister or other well known celeb at a random meet sitting nearby. After that, it just became normal and like you said, regardless of who it is, we’re the same when in those rooms.
💯 it’s a natural reaction when you see someone so recognizable and somehow expect them to have some additional wisdom. All they have is what you have—Hope, healing, and honesty.
I enjoyed this, Dee.
For me, I can’t recover in the dark. I can’t just contain it for when I’m in a circle of chairs or in a sobriety zoom meeting.
I take it with me, always.
Doesn’t mean I preach it. But I do love showing it - to those who are curious and to those who share in the work.
We seek commonalities rather than the differences - that’s been my experience. I have a sober pal who has 40 years of sobriety under his belt. He says - we all share a transmission line. Those of us working a program or doing the work. We transmit a common signal that we all can pick up on.
And I love hearing about celebrities who clean up their act. Sobriety IS cool. 😎
Thanks you Allison🙏 I agree 💯 with your friend—we all share a transmission line. Love it.
I'm going to have to read the book now. Year and a half sober, don't typically go to AA but it was talked about in treatment.
Keep up the good work. 🙏
Nice piece. Yeah, not sure where I come out on all this stuff. I was taught different things by different people about this particular tradition (and Tradition 12 for that matter). On one hand, anonymity may be one of the key ingredients of one attaining true humility (your mileage may vary here). On the other hand, there are times when breaking one's anonymity is unquestionably a good thing, even through mass media. As always, comes down to motives, right? As a wise old timer once passed on to me, "what am I REALLY up to?"
💯
Thanks for reading Andrew 🙏
One day at a time, live and let live, let go let God.
In my experience the cliches are as important as the steps..
The whole point of anonymity is to give us enough time to heal without the burden of ego sabotaging our every move.
True mental sobriety takes at least five years and the excruciating crushing of our ego and inflated sense of self.
It takes courage and character to just shut the fuck in and listen for a change.
Many are called but few are chosen.
I wish you well, my prayers are with you… you are gonna need them.
Thanks Nick. I agree with most of what you wrote. And BTW I welcome any and all prayers. Can’t do it without em.
If you’re passing judgment so be it—that’s your deal—and unfortunately pretty common among sobers.
Good luck to ya.
I’m definitely not passing judgement on anyone Dee. Sobriety is a tough remorseless grind at the best of times.
It can be the best of times or the worst of times. In my experience the best of times come when someone loves you enough to tell you the truth.
I am by nature a belligerent character, I used to not like being told but once I became teachable by those who were qualified to teach me my life became peace filled even in the chaos we all live amongst.
I wrote what I wrote in good faith and because every soul in recovery deserves to be loved enough to be told the truth.
Fair enough. Thanks for explaining. It sounds like you’ve listened and done the work—and that’s what is required. For my part, writing helps me better understand. Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙏
I do not eat popcorn nor peanuts without singing that particular lyric to myself. I might have to go read that book now, I’ve always been a RHCP fan. Congrats on your sobriety, that’s a huge accomplishment!
Thanks Jenn! It’s a dark book but essential reading for any RHCP fan ☺️
I am always afraid of reading things like this…a kill your heroes type thing, but I think I’ll give it a read.
This is fascinating history, thank you Dee. I appreciate the work it took to distill this info down to a workable essay and look forward to reading the book or seeing the movie.
It’s a big story and I only related a bit of it that moved me. Glad you enjoyed it Donna. 🙏
Thanks for the reminder of all the many greats who crossed due to drugs and alcohol. It’s kinda scary.
I wonder if the younger folks now will fare any better than my generation did.
Sad to say it’s unlikely. Fame is a deadly trap. 🪤
Yes. I so agree. I cannot quite wrap my head around people who seek fame and want to be “influencers”.
My personality just doesn’t fit in with that. I want to matter. If only to one person, and to have those I love know how deeply they are treasured..
Thanks Dee. Being a RHCP fan I know Anthony has had his demons. You could hear it in the lyrics.
I have always loathed their music--AK is fat cat pretentious bore like Nick Cave--both of whom have forgotten their roots. Most of the great music was made and fueled by drugs. It's just a fact. See Bill Hicks. "All pretty high on drugs." ALL the great artists were dope fiends and drunks. Sorry.
No worries bud. One man’s trash is another’s treasure as they say. You’re entitled to your take on it.
Praise God for providing a “force” that compelled many to choose…life.
I turned 21 in ‘69 & came to categorize the list of OD/artist deaths (then) as “throwing their lives away.” That’s where I was in ‘69. When John Belushi OD’d/died in 1982 I took the same attitude and contrasted his approach to John Lennon’s love of life, when gunned-down in December, 1982. I never purchased an album of anyone who took-the-risk with the lethal substances, if I owned an album when a life was lost to OD, I threw away the album. When Belushi expired, I gave away a video I had been given. Stopped listening to the Stones.
Between 1969 & 2001, came to categorize these early-death artists as self-absorbed. I believe that AA/NA can be an antidote.
In 2002, Rev. Rick Warren took the issue of self-absorption by the horns and, along with the Bible, illustrated how the alternative to self-absorption is to realize that each of us, “…were born by his purpose and for his purpose.”
“IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even your happiness. It’s far greater than your family, your career, or even your wildest dreams and ambitions. If you want to know why you were placed on this planet, you must begin with God. You were born by his purpose and for his purpose.”
Emerging from this perspective was Mother Theresa, serving in India, being far from self-oriented. A new group of “suffering servants” emerged to illustrate how the perspective had changed.
On November 2,1982, I was sworn-in as a police officer, that night, my trainer and I responded to a double suicide. The following day, two autopsies, that night, death notifications to family. My daughter was 5 weeks old & son was 3. Our functioning brains have to ask the question, “Why ?” Two years later, in December, the town I policed with a population of 10,000, had three suicides that I worked, the same question came to my mind.
I have to choose life & be a part of its preservation. In a paper Nobel Economist Milton Friedman published in the “Washington Star” in 1971 - on Social Security- he made the stark case from his Jewish tradition that individuals have autonomy over their own lives. I was always uncomfortable with that and Rick Warren’s opening statement provided the best rebuttal to Friedman’s Jewish view.
As you have stated so well, death is an equalizer between us and “rock stars”…they lose their status, as Solomon shared.
In the case for Life, there has to be a purpose. If one has read Warren’s book about “the purpose” he supports his Thesis from passages from the Bible.
I believe Warren made his case. May God turn any perspective of self-absorption into a human-service oriented life…similar to the Master.
― Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?
100% agree Phil. Thanks for your comment as always I appreciate you reading. It was one of the hardest things for me about recovery—having been brought up as a strong, self-determined man with a required belief in God.
I was finally able to accept that God’s grace was my way out—and that my own self-will had led me to that place where only grace could save me. I now have an actual relationship with my God rather than the perfunctory belief that was fed to me by the church as a child.
My purpose is now—and has been for the last 15 years—very clear.
“If you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it..”..
I remember the days of not knowing what they had or how to get it but I did understand I didn’t want what I had, any more.
It was a hard time me, I had more nasty crap from members in my early sobriety than ever I knew in active drugs n alcohol days..
But I’d had grace given me very early, by a deep vow never to lose another minute of reality, as long as I had a choice.
I miss the people I sobered up with, who didn’t make it… but I understand.
REM’s music brings alive one friend, a tortured soul and poetic heart … he never made it.
Not sure why I just walked down that memory lane but all I really wanted to say was thanks for sharing this story of yours…
39 yrs this Christmas.. odaat.
Thanks K. I do know what you mean. Infectious music for sure. The sobriety story just deepens my affection. ☺️