Dee, having gone through the same with cats and dogs, I can tell you that Oliver won’t really leave you. He’s asleep in a room in your heart, door open to let love flow in and out because love never dies. It transcends that invisible barrier.
He crossed what we call the Rainbow Bridge with a heart full of love.
You may not physically see him anymore but trust what your heart is telling you.
Dee, getting caught up on my reading. Thanks for sharing the raw emotions of this experience. I admire the way you are approaching this loss. When I think of letting go it seems the thing I need to let go of is my desire to control things I can't. It is ok to feel, to allow emotions to come to the surface, to experience all the joys and pains of life. I shouldn't try to control that in the same way I can't control the events that caused the emotions. I should try to understand them. Why do I feel this way? What causes this particular emotion? What does this say about me and about the event causing the emotion? Understanding the why behind my emotions enables me to control my response to them. I don't need to reach for (insert harmful behavior) to mask what I am feeling because I understand how important it is to FEEL, even when it hurts. Thinking of you in these challenging days my friend and hope the rest of your pack will bring you much joy. Keep on the lookout for those moments when Oliver visits. You have to allow your mind to be open to those moments. All the best.
These 3 dogs surrounding me and embracing me with love are making it a little easier after a week. We’re slowly adjusting to our new environment. Thank you for your kind words Matthew. We are better for examining these things 🙏
An old man was saying his evening prayers. “Lord, I have just about everything I need. I have only one small favor to ask. Is there any way you can make dogs live longer?”
Our beloved fur family.. they hold such a unique space in our worlds. So different than even the most beloved of our people family (even the chosen ones). I do believe with all my being that it was Ollie woofing at you while you sat in the porch, reminding you that he’s saving a place for you there too. In my grieving, it helps me to pull their spirit closer into me as the days pass. Never letting them go, but pulling in every wooof, every purr, every warm soft support cuddle, every lick of love as they sat beside us, and every full eyed stare of knowing they gifted us with. He’s living inside you now. 💔❤️
Beautiful tribute, Dee. Our heartfelt condolences to you and your family from all of us at Critters. Thank you for your compassion and friendship for the animals. We are all in this together. Take good care, you are in good company.
I so admire how you let your emotions write this piece. Your willingness to be unguarded here really moved me. And I love how you reframed letting go as simply allowing. Allowing it all. 🙏🏼
Oh, rescues are a special bunch! I am certain that was Ollie sending you a message that he will always be part of your pack.
In your raw vulnerability your writing reached its edge. This is an exceptional post Dee. This is what we are all trying to do, to show up without the mask and allow words onto the page. I literally could feel your grief and your loss, it sits in my gut and leaks out of my eyes right now. The legacy and lessons contained in this essay leave me speechless but you need to know that you have given Oliver the tribute he deserved. May he rest in peace and may you, and Ann, be well❤
Dee, I’m just catching up now and I’m so sorry to hear that you had to send Oliver ahead to the next big adventure. He was indeed magnificent in all the ways - that face! Thank you for sharing him, this part of his story, and your wisdom on letting go. It touched me and taught me. Wishing peace and loving memories for you all.
Your grief brings me back almost 4 years to when I lost my Boo. He was half border collie and half golden retriever and held ALL of my heart. He wasn’t a rescue. We got him from a neighbor at 6 weeks along with his brother Digger. Boo would lean on my leg at 6 weeks. He was 14 when he had the final stroke (he had one about 6 months earlier that was mild). This one paralyzed him.
After two plus weeks of what you are going through I finally went online and found a beautiful lookalike one year old that needed a home. He is Jax. And he is NOTHING like Boo. But I found that in my grief that there was room for him. He is my constant companion and does what Ollie did. He calmly stares at me - sometimes if he wants something- sometimes just to connect. He lays on my feet to be close. He loves ‘couch time’ cuddles. He is my best friend. And we needed each other.
I still miss my Boo. But as you wrote, you know that these exhausting feelings will gradually fade, only to hit you again at the most unexpected times. God says in 2 Corinthians chapter one that He is the God of all comfort Who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
So, as my God comforted me in those days I hope and pray that this message will comfort you in your time of need!
Once again, you’ve captured one of the most important lessons in life and conveyed it perfectly to your readers - control what little you can and accept what you can’t control. Woof, woof!
What a tribute Dee. Such regard and love.
I’m reminded of a quote: “grief is love with nowhere to go.”
The place for it to go, is gratitude.
I felt your gratitude in your reflection here.
Thank you James. Work in progress for sure 🙏😪
If you don't already, Dee, you'll want to know this poem.
Golden Retrievals
BY MARK DOTY
Fetch? Balls and sticks capture my attention
seconds at a time. Catch? I don’t think so.
Bunny, tumbling leaf, a squirrel who’s—oh
joy—actually scared. Sniff the wind, then
I’m off again: muck, pond, ditch, residue
of any thrillingly dead thing. And you?
Either you’re sunk in the past, half our walk,
thinking of what you never can bring back,
or else you’re off in some fog concerning
—tomorrow, is that what you call it? My work:
to unsnare time’s warp (and woof!), retrieving,
my haze-headed friend, you. This shining bark,
a Zen master’s bronzy gong, calls you here,
entirely, now: bow-wow, bow-wow, bow-wow.
Mark Doty, “Golden Retrievals” from Sweet Machine: Poems. Copyright © 1998 by Mark Doty. Reprinted with the permission of HarperCollins Publishers.
Source: Sweet Machine: Poems (HarperCollins Publishers Inc, 1998)
I love it and had not seen it until you shared. Thank you Jay 🙏🙏
Dee, having gone through the same with cats and dogs, I can tell you that Oliver won’t really leave you. He’s asleep in a room in your heart, door open to let love flow in and out because love never dies. It transcends that invisible barrier.
He crossed what we call the Rainbow Bridge with a heart full of love.
You may not physically see him anymore but trust what your heart is telling you.
Take care 🙏💙🐾
Thank you Joyce. I believe 🙏
What a beautiful dog and a beautiful man. Thank you, Dee. I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank you Jonathan. 🙏
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dog. I’ve experienced this loss and it is so painful. Glad you are allowing yourself time and space to grieve 🙏🏼
Thank you Caroline.
Dee, getting caught up on my reading. Thanks for sharing the raw emotions of this experience. I admire the way you are approaching this loss. When I think of letting go it seems the thing I need to let go of is my desire to control things I can't. It is ok to feel, to allow emotions to come to the surface, to experience all the joys and pains of life. I shouldn't try to control that in the same way I can't control the events that caused the emotions. I should try to understand them. Why do I feel this way? What causes this particular emotion? What does this say about me and about the event causing the emotion? Understanding the why behind my emotions enables me to control my response to them. I don't need to reach for (insert harmful behavior) to mask what I am feeling because I understand how important it is to FEEL, even when it hurts. Thinking of you in these challenging days my friend and hope the rest of your pack will bring you much joy. Keep on the lookout for those moments when Oliver visits. You have to allow your mind to be open to those moments. All the best.
These 3 dogs surrounding me and embracing me with love are making it a little easier after a week. We’re slowly adjusting to our new environment. Thank you for your kind words Matthew. We are better for examining these things 🙏
An old man was saying his evening prayers. “Lord, I have just about everything I need. I have only one small favor to ask. Is there any way you can make dogs live longer?”
🙏
Our beloved fur family.. they hold such a unique space in our worlds. So different than even the most beloved of our people family (even the chosen ones). I do believe with all my being that it was Ollie woofing at you while you sat in the porch, reminding you that he’s saving a place for you there too. In my grieving, it helps me to pull their spirit closer into me as the days pass. Never letting them go, but pulling in every wooof, every purr, every warm soft support cuddle, every lick of love as they sat beside us, and every full eyed stare of knowing they gifted us with. He’s living inside you now. 💔❤️
Every little blessing lives inside me. Thank you Teyani 🙏
Beautiful tribute, Dee. Our heartfelt condolences to you and your family from all of us at Critters. Thank you for your compassion and friendship for the animals. We are all in this together. Take good care, you are in good company.
Thank you Heidi 🙏
Beautiful tribute to your beloved companion, Dee.
Thank you Michelle
We put our 14 year Weimaraner down this past Monday as well. First time we have not had any backup dog companions to ease the transition.
Oh my. My heart ❤️ blessings to you through this difficult time.
I should know better than to read columns like yours when in a coffee shop. So, yeah, I'm fucking crying. Now where's my breakfast?
☺️❤️
I so admire how you let your emotions write this piece. Your willingness to be unguarded here really moved me. And I love how you reframed letting go as simply allowing. Allowing it all. 🙏🏼
Oh, rescues are a special bunch! I am certain that was Ollie sending you a message that he will always be part of your pack.
Sending love as you hold this grief.
I’m so sorry, Dee.
Thank you Allison. I so appreciate your words of support—it means more than you know. 🙏
In your raw vulnerability your writing reached its edge. This is an exceptional post Dee. This is what we are all trying to do, to show up without the mask and allow words onto the page. I literally could feel your grief and your loss, it sits in my gut and leaks out of my eyes right now. The legacy and lessons contained in this essay leave me speechless but you need to know that you have given Oliver the tribute he deserved. May he rest in peace and may you, and Ann, be well❤
Oh Donna. I’m leaking again. Thank you for your beautiful words. Love from Texas—we’re overflowing with it. Ollie is here and everywhere ❤️
Dee, I’m just catching up now and I’m so sorry to hear that you had to send Oliver ahead to the next big adventure. He was indeed magnificent in all the ways - that face! Thank you for sharing him, this part of his story, and your wisdom on letting go. It touched me and taught me. Wishing peace and loving memories for you all.
Thanks Jo. So good to hear from you. Be well 🙏
Your grief brings me back almost 4 years to when I lost my Boo. He was half border collie and half golden retriever and held ALL of my heart. He wasn’t a rescue. We got him from a neighbor at 6 weeks along with his brother Digger. Boo would lean on my leg at 6 weeks. He was 14 when he had the final stroke (he had one about 6 months earlier that was mild). This one paralyzed him.
After two plus weeks of what you are going through I finally went online and found a beautiful lookalike one year old that needed a home. He is Jax. And he is NOTHING like Boo. But I found that in my grief that there was room for him. He is my constant companion and does what Ollie did. He calmly stares at me - sometimes if he wants something- sometimes just to connect. He lays on my feet to be close. He loves ‘couch time’ cuddles. He is my best friend. And we needed each other.
I still miss my Boo. But as you wrote, you know that these exhausting feelings will gradually fade, only to hit you again at the most unexpected times. God says in 2 Corinthians chapter one that He is the God of all comfort Who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
So, as my God comforted me in those days I hope and pray that this message will comfort you in your time of need!
Blessings to you and your wife!!
Thank you so much for sharing your story and your kinds words Trudy 🙏
Once again, you’ve captured one of the most important lessons in life and conveyed it perfectly to your readers - control what little you can and accept what you can’t control. Woof, woof!
Thanks my friend. It helps to write about it. 🙏