Sober is Better, Part 2; Redux

Pattern Recognition

Hello friends and readers. As mentioned in my last post my frequency this month will increase because its National Recovery Month—an occasion I feel worthy of celebrating. In that spirit I will post and re-post essays relating to the topic.

Sometimes I look back in my archive of 120 essays since March, 2023—read a few and think—I have no idea how I wrote that. Sometimes I just say that’s kinda good and no one read it.

This essay is one of those for what it’s worth—I have no idea where it came from—and its pretty good. I hope you’ll give it a read. It’s about observing human behavior—mostly our own—and recognizing patterns. Enjoy.

---

Pattern recognition is a scientific field of practice using computers (or now AI) to analyze vast amounts of data and recognize patterns.

Experts have said that the human being is the best recognizer of patterns, beginning at a very young age. We instinctively process digits, numbers, languages, facial expressions, and emotional states as children. We do not yet, however, truly understand how this works in humans. Computers excel in processing larger, more obtuse, and higher-volume data, and then recognizing patterns. We’re surrounded by ever-growing amounts of data unrecognizable to the human eye and mind that can be quickly gathered and interpreted by software programs. Facial recognition for homeland security, buying behavior for marketers, genetic and epidemiological patterns for predicting health care outcomes, ideological trends for political influence, transportation patterns for shipping and supply chain, weather pattern analysis for meteorologists. Examples of modern patterns in everyday life are fingerprints, bar codes, handwriting, the human face, a speech signal.

This relatively young science was defined in 1985 by theoretical physicist Satoshi Watanabe as the opposite of a chaos; it is an entity, vaguely defined, that could be given a name.

My angle on patterns for today’s rumination on “Of a Sober Mind” is as it relates to behavior. Human behavior is relatively predictable even in times of seemingly chaotic events. In human behavior a pattern could be defined in a less technical way as simply; a sequence of behaviors that recur. We all have habits and routines, some conscious and some unconscious. Some are positive. Many are negative. The trick for us is to do pattern recognition on ourselves. Why do I do what I do when I do it? Let’s back up. The elements of pattern recognition (borrowed from the science) are:

Data acquisition: gathering the raw data. In this case, what is the behavior that I’m repeating? I do this thing.

Feature extraction: what are the most relevant aspects of that behavior that make it recognizable as a pattern? Aspects of it? Conscious or not? I do this thing when, how, and how often?

Classification: assigning a label of identification to the behavior. Good, bad, healthy, toxic. The typical outcome of this thing that I do is…

Post-processing: refining and understanding the behavior. Improving accuracy and reducing errors.

What is this thing?

Is it the same every single time?

What are the underlying causes of this thing I do?

As noted earlier, we humans do a lot of this instinctively without help from a supercomputer. Where we run into trouble with this process is in—well—being human. We deny the data. Because we have the added layers of emotion and choice, we often see the results of the data (the behavior) clearly and yet we ignore it, revise it, rewrite it, rationalize it, or lie about it. If you add in the complexity of addiction, you actually eliminate the emotion and choice. The patterns are easier to recognize…more machine-like if you will. The amygdala has taken over. Impulse control is gone. The behavior is the behavior. The pattern is in place. It’s easily recognizable, and largely predictable.

This is a long-ish way around to stating my own blinding glimpse of the obvious. Because of my sobriety and ongoing recovery, I’m infinitely better at pattern recognition in my own life and my own behavior. Huh. Imagine that? Like I said…B.G.O.

Let me be clear (ewww that sounds like a White House press secretary). My sober state does not eliminate all unhealthy behavior patterns in my life. Far from it. Back to that human emotion thingy. Of the many things I’ve suffered through, moderation is not one of them. My modus operandi has always been if it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing. Popcorn, sex, exercise, laughter, food, fun, fixing, thinking, spending. You name it—I can strive to take it further (farther?) than anyone. What I have been able to do a little quicker and better in sobriety is the recognition part. And then the response at least has a chance to be different. Sobriety is a little processing boost if you will. As time goes on it happens more naturally.

A couple of deeply personal examples lately have demonstrated this to me in vivid color and detail. One recent, important conversation with my 87-year-old father—now 89—and another with my sweetheart—now my wife. Both situations began innocently. I have some thoughts about this, each of them said. Welling up from deep within me, from a place I can’t identify or understand, and largely outside of my control, is a feeling.

Suddenly there it is.

It’s not anger. More a feeling of being attacked. I strike an invisible (so I think) and immediate defensive posture. I resent being called to attention. In the not-so-distant past my verbal response would have been quick, witty, biting, and convincing. Now my reaction is to pause. I can’t fix the blank, tight, stupid stare on my face (another project of pattern recognition for another day). I strain to listen to my loved one, hearing every word and nuance, trying to keep my own racing thoughts and possible responses from tumbling out of my mouth. This is in fact a miracle.

In both cases I had to get up from the conversation—take a walkabout—and come back for further discussion. In both cases, we continued with thoughtful interaction, emotion, acceptance of each other’s perspectives, and introduction of solutions.

A fucking miracle.

My SA is heightened these days. Trainers, coaches, first responders, and military veterans call it situational awareness. In sobriety you can add the double meaning of sober action. It has two critical parts to it. The first part is recognition of what might happen or is surely going to happen. This part goes back to pattern recognition. Awareness + action = integration.

Healers talk about integration of mind, body, spirit. The experience lives deep down in the body. They talk about consciousness and enlightenment and integration and yadayada very important stuff. I gotta keep it so much simpler than that.

Data: Hmmm…there’s a bunch of people in the street. There’s alcohol involved. There is another bunch of people in the street who disagree with those other people. Pattern recognition: What could possibly go wrong? A lot.

Data: Crowded party. Elbow to elbow. Everyone is in various stages of being hammered. It’s warm in here. My friend is close-talking. Little pieces of spittle are flying as he tells me a story I’ve heard a dozen fucking times already. Pattern recognition: What could possibly go wrong? Did I used to be like that? Yes.

Data: I’m really uncomfortable for whatever reason. Not sure what it is or where it came from…but there it is. I want to haul ass out of here. I want to be anywhere but here, feeling anything but what I feel. What could possibly go wrong? A lot.

Insert Donald Fagen lyric: I can tell you all I know, the where to go, the what to do. You can try to run but you can’t hide from what’s inside of you. Any major dude with half a heart will tell you my friend.

Pause when agitated.

This too shall pass.

And guess what? It actually does. And herein lies the second, and more important part, of true and integrated recovery behavior. The response. The reaction. A different action based upon the new understanding. Because it’s one thing to know a thing. It’s another to change the thing.

More and more often these days, I’m getting it right. Any major dude will tell you.