Lmao!! Oh my I can absolutely relate!! In the early years of my (heavy sigh ugh) marriage, I was a waitress in smaller home town restaurants. Some ok tips but mostly small restaurants like that still had little old ladies that leave quarters and think 2 are great and if it is a paper dollar it is for a table of four or more.
After moving to California I worked in Newport Beach and thought I had made the BIG TIME.
The big deal was working the big bar table. A full table of drinking men meant a giant pile of quiet money with big numbers on them. Along with bullets of coke (the 80sin SoCal) The Waitresses who were blonde and “hot” (owners description) worked that table on weekends.
The night I quit was after putting up with a lot of butt pinches & ugly comments. There was a large tip, but the abuse was constant. When the “leader of the pack” the rudest, most arrogant guy who was obviously drunk on booze, his ego and his thought this little blonde hottie would meet him after her shift, went way too far. He came behind put his arms around my waist lifted me in the air and grabbed my crotch. I kneed him in the “spot” after being dropped to my
feet and I punched him in the jaw. I told him off, let him know in no uncertain terms that I had put up with a lot of abuse all night from him, that I was sick of being pinched, grabbed and I was DONE. I said he could take his coke, his grubby little hands and get the fk away from me. I quit probably before the owner could fire me. I went home said I had quit but not why as my husband would have gone there and made matters worse.
Working in a restaurant at any position is something EVERYONE should try. I guarantee they would be much nicer to the wait staff and become way better tippers!
What’s the definition of a tip? It’s not supposed to be an entitlement. It’s a sense of generosity imparted by the consumer. Why did you behave in such an appalling manner - like a spoilt brat who did not get what he wanted? You deserve to be fired. If you don’t think you are paid enough take it up with your employer. Or get another job. Restaurant fare is no longer cheap. Add the tip and it’s not worth going out. Yes I have worked in the same occupation. And have also been the recipient of surly service yet expecting a handsome tip.
You might not like the people who you are required to serve, because that is the definition of your job, but they ordered, they seemed to have a good time, they did not destroy their environment and they paid. This writing shows your bad behaviour, not theirs.
I worked as a waitress in Texas in 1983. I was paid $2.01 an hour by the restaurant, and instructed to 'claim tips' on my pay stub to bring my wages up to federally mandated minimum, which was $3.25.
I was not allowed breaks. I was not allowed meals. I was not allowed to sit down. There was no safe place to leave my handbag, which was rifled and relieved of cash my first week at work. After the restaurant closed at 11PM I had to work two more hours of close-out, without tips or overtime.
None of this was legal, of course, but nobody was checking.
There were single mothers supporting families on that job. If people like you didn't tip, their kids didn't eat.
Tipping is supposed to be for service and it appears their service provided was quite good. Keep in mind sweetheart, this was 1980 not 2025 where a barista expects an $8 tip for taking a drive through order on a glass of water. No service but gimme a tip anyway. In 1980 the going rate was 10%, IIRC. That would mean a minimum of 75 bucks ! Even if Dee was a schmuck and did squat. No, he earned his keep. Should he have gone off the way he did ? Maybe not, but this was after he busted his ass for these women - complete with separate checks no less, after the fact. Sorry, I can’t agree with your take.
Thanks - if anyone thinks it is ok to grab a waitress or waiter by the crotch - try it… maybe they will not be so timid and will have your ass arrested
Folks working in the industry do not make minimum wage b/c their employers are too cheap—instead tips are considered part of one’s pay. It would be better if restaurants paid their workers fairly and tipping went the way of the dodo, but that;s not going to happen in the U.S. Having worked 0n both retail and food service I always tip minimum of 20% regardless, and clear our/rehang any clothing I have tried on. You need to get a reality check and act like a decent human being. Shame on you.
I call absolute BS that you ever worked at a restaurant or bar in the US. Talk about entitlement “take it up with your employer?” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
If you go to a restaurant in the US, the establishment/employer expects you to tip so they don’t have to pay their employees better (per the law). If you don’t want to tip, don’t go out. Or to the same place twice.
Back when I waited tables at a restaurant adjacent to a convention center, the worst tippers we ever got as a group were the attendees from the Christian booksellers convention. “I don’t believe in tipping. Not my problem, not my fault you’re paid in tips.”
Not sure where you’re from Anne, but I waited tables at copycat Bennigan’s not long after Dee. Texas- and maybe elsewhere- paid a minimum wage to waiters and waitresses of $2.45, the assumption by our wonderful legislators was you would end up with the “regular” $5.25 minimum wage through tips, because of course everyone would tip the 15% industry considered standard.
So, if you didn’t get the minimum tip, you’d actually make less than the minimum wage. And you couldn’t declare less than that on your taxes.
That was true for the majority of servers, because most of us in the restaurant biz didn’t get to be bartenders and rake it in like Dee described. More servers work the standard boring shift like the Sunday brunch mentioned. And servers usually had to give a percentage of our tips to the bar staff and busboys as well.
You don’t get to make the policies for your employer.
Europe and many other countries pay servers a reasonable wage and tips are actually in appreciation for great service, but that’s not the case in the US.
Every time you hear of a restaurant trying the “pay a living wage” method here they lose customers because they have to charge more for the food to pay the staff.
Other than the luxury sector most restaurants already operate on slim margins.
I’m not excusing Dee’s behavior, it wasn’t the right thing to do. They weren’t required to pay a tip at all so technically not in the wrong. But the system is set up to punish the lowest paid among us when what’s “reasonable and customary” doesn’t occur, and we don’t educate people about the fact that tipping isn’t truly a choice if you’re not intending to punish your server.
I’ve had those same kinds of tables before and worked very hard for the guests only to feel crushed when my “generous” tip wouldn’t even cover the tip share I was required to give at close out.
One more example of how bad the system is for your average worker.
If you can’t afford to tip properly, stay out of the restaurant. Most really popular restaurants have waiting lists of people trying to get a table. Don’t screw shit up by not tipping. There are plenty of folks that would be happy to take your place. Also, don’t try and rewrite the hospitality rules on your visit. “ this is what they do in Europe blah, blah.” It is what it is. I speak from 40 years of owning fine dining restaurants in Florida, one of the toughest states to make it. Come in, enjoy yourself, act decent, and leave.
Having over the years worked many front facing service jobs, I’ve come to believe that every country should have a law that stipulates that an individuals,first job MUST be customer service job. It would certainly make far more people aware of just how much belittling, abuse, and mistreatment these workers face every day,!
Any server will tell you ( and I know many including family) nobody wants to serve the Sunday after church crowd. Most demanding, rude and stingiest people out there. Guess church doesn’t cure evil like they think.
Great story with several solid messages. Entertaining, to boot!
When I was 21, I was a change gal at the Hyatt casino on the north end of Lake Tahoe. It was totally demoralizing (not the least of which was having to wear a fake tuxedo top and having older men slip me their room numbers when I cashed them out). The worst were the busloads of cheap ass day-gamblers who came in from near and far suburbs. Lots of volume, but lowest tips compared to even a slow, non-bus day. Reminds me a lot of your stingy, rude church women. I can recall the dread all these years later.
Cool. I love the Banff Sorings Hotel—and Banff. Been there a few times both seasons. Or. One of my old ski racing buddies Felix Belchyk (Ohh Canada!) owned a place there for awhile after he retired from racing.
Felix ! Yes ! A ‘Crazy Canuck’ ! You might laugh re my ‘Christmas Dayz’ tale.. a ‘memoir styling’ - ridin my thumb from Vancouver to Banff for Christmas Dinner.. Was as well trained as you - but in Toronto & it really helped as bartender to be perfectly ambidextrous with lightning hands..
already emailed a link to your fab tale to Karl.. guy I was training to replace me on The Coffee Cart - Spanish Coffees at the table.. night ‘we’ set the woman on fire via methyl hydrate burner - I was already on the bar as well.. Tom Jones was doing two consecutive shows next door @ OKeefe Centre - so two full house ‘hits’ & you know how that goes haha ! 🦎🏴☠️🇨🇦
Ooooh I feel this pain having been a server in this exact situation so many times. I loved working in restaurants and bars in the 80's and 90's but there was certainly a few challenging situations. I worked in a place during the Olympic Games, it was right beside the grounds where many events were held. It was fascinating to see how folks from different countries treated the serving staff.
I agree Dee, everyone should do it. There's no education like a food and beverage education!
Second on the sentiment that it should be a requirement to work service industry for everyone- like how Singapore and South Korea require everyone to do military service. Also experienced similar issues with the post-Church crowd on Sunday- the most picky, entitled, cheap crowd of people ever. Definitely saw more than a few of those fake bills that are actually some kind of gimmick to try to “save” you. Just abhorrent behavior.
Wow, I’ve never heard a better argument for those small-print disclaimers that limit splitting checks or automatically add a tip for large parties. I’m glad you had a compassionate manager and I only wish he had publicly sided with you, though I can see why he didn’t.
Both of my siblings worked in the service industry and they’ve scared me off ever ordering hot tea, which apparently was the most annoying thing in the world since it involved collecting so many elements. I guess I’m done with RGF’s too.
For some people, I think, part of the fun of going out is creating a fuss — customizing and substituting and dithering and pearl clutching when told no. It’s a shame that the only way they know to feel they re indulging is by treating others like garbage.
Yes Emily there are those people and I met many of them back in the day. That job was so instrumental in helping me understand others—many times to their own detriment 😂
I never worked a corporate one, but I can absolutely relate as a small town food runner(expediter is the fancy term) and busboy. You definitely learn to recognize a type of people as soon as they come in, even if they aren't regulars. I've served good Christians and I've served Good Christian People, and I'd much rather serve the former.
I’ve worked on and off—currently on—at restaurants the last 25 years. I can relate to this so well. I never confronted a guest over a bad tip, but it’s just because I was able to profile them as soon as I greeted them, so I knew well ahead I was getting fucked. The ebony church ladies give me PTSD. So many times just $5 on a $200 check. And the leader makes a big show of it. “And THIS is for YOU.”
Dee you are a very lucky man if your little brunch experience was an example of a tough day at work. You might want to spend some time with a nurse or personal support worker or soldier or teacher or daycare worker who deal with complex issues and high stakes on the hour. You sound super entitled. You are the Karen in your own story.
Been there, done that. Chased one woman all the way to the front door to give her back her 12 cent tip. I made good money, but I got tired of my income being dependent on the good will of other people.
Lmao!! Oh my I can absolutely relate!! In the early years of my (heavy sigh ugh) marriage, I was a waitress in smaller home town restaurants. Some ok tips but mostly small restaurants like that still had little old ladies that leave quarters and think 2 are great and if it is a paper dollar it is for a table of four or more.
After moving to California I worked in Newport Beach and thought I had made the BIG TIME.
The big deal was working the big bar table. A full table of drinking men meant a giant pile of quiet money with big numbers on them. Along with bullets of coke (the 80sin SoCal) The Waitresses who were blonde and “hot” (owners description) worked that table on weekends.
The night I quit was after putting up with a lot of butt pinches & ugly comments. There was a large tip, but the abuse was constant. When the “leader of the pack” the rudest, most arrogant guy who was obviously drunk on booze, his ego and his thought this little blonde hottie would meet him after her shift, went way too far. He came behind put his arms around my waist lifted me in the air and grabbed my crotch. I kneed him in the “spot” after being dropped to my
feet and I punched him in the jaw. I told him off, let him know in no uncertain terms that I had put up with a lot of abuse all night from him, that I was sick of being pinched, grabbed and I was DONE. I said he could take his coke, his grubby little hands and get the fk away from me. I quit probably before the owner could fire me. I went home said I had quit but not why as my husband would have gone there and made matters worse.
Working in a restaurant at any position is something EVERYONE should try. I guarantee they would be much nicer to the wait staff and become way better tippers!
Yay for restaurant workers!!
Oh my. What a story! I believe it 100%. I saw many female colleagues endure nightmare behavior. Thanks for sharing Pam! ☺️
Thanks for the memories! I had plenty of the grabs etc - I can def imagine how the cocktail waitresses felt who “got to” wear those uniforms
What’s the definition of a tip? It’s not supposed to be an entitlement. It’s a sense of generosity imparted by the consumer. Why did you behave in such an appalling manner - like a spoilt brat who did not get what he wanted? You deserve to be fired. If you don’t think you are paid enough take it up with your employer. Or get another job. Restaurant fare is no longer cheap. Add the tip and it’s not worth going out. Yes I have worked in the same occupation. And have also been the recipient of surly service yet expecting a handsome tip.
You might not like the people who you are required to serve, because that is the definition of your job, but they ordered, they seemed to have a good time, they did not destroy their environment and they paid. This writing shows your bad behaviour, not theirs.
Fuck off
I worked as a waitress in Texas in 1983. I was paid $2.01 an hour by the restaurant, and instructed to 'claim tips' on my pay stub to bring my wages up to federally mandated minimum, which was $3.25.
I was not allowed breaks. I was not allowed meals. I was not allowed to sit down. There was no safe place to leave my handbag, which was rifled and relieved of cash my first week at work. After the restaurant closed at 11PM I had to work two more hours of close-out, without tips or overtime.
None of this was legal, of course, but nobody was checking.
There were single mothers supporting families on that job. If people like you didn't tip, their kids didn't eat.
👏
Tipping is supposed to be for service and it appears their service provided was quite good. Keep in mind sweetheart, this was 1980 not 2025 where a barista expects an $8 tip for taking a drive through order on a glass of water. No service but gimme a tip anyway. In 1980 the going rate was 10%, IIRC. That would mean a minimum of 75 bucks ! Even if Dee was a schmuck and did squat. No, he earned his keep. Should he have gone off the way he did ? Maybe not, but this was after he busted his ass for these women - complete with separate checks no less, after the fact. Sorry, I can’t agree with your take.
You thought it was okay for someone working to be molested by a customer? You is weird, honey!
Thanks - if anyone thinks it is ok to grab a waitress or waiter by the crotch - try it… maybe they will not be so timid and will have your ass arrested
People amaze me - they can always argue a point when they are wrong!
Folks working in the industry do not make minimum wage b/c their employers are too cheap—instead tips are considered part of one’s pay. It would be better if restaurants paid their workers fairly and tipping went the way of the dodo, but that;s not going to happen in the U.S. Having worked 0n both retail and food service I always tip minimum of 20% regardless, and clear our/rehang any clothing I have tried on. You need to get a reality check and act like a decent human being. Shame on you.
I call absolute BS that you ever worked at a restaurant or bar in the US. Talk about entitlement “take it up with your employer?” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
If you go to a restaurant in the US, the establishment/employer expects you to tip so they don’t have to pay their employees better (per the law). If you don’t want to tip, don’t go out. Or to the same place twice.
Back when I waited tables at a restaurant adjacent to a convention center, the worst tippers we ever got as a group were the attendees from the Christian booksellers convention. “I don’t believe in tipping. Not my problem, not my fault you’re paid in tips.”
Not sure where you’re from Anne, but I waited tables at copycat Bennigan’s not long after Dee. Texas- and maybe elsewhere- paid a minimum wage to waiters and waitresses of $2.45, the assumption by our wonderful legislators was you would end up with the “regular” $5.25 minimum wage through tips, because of course everyone would tip the 15% industry considered standard.
So, if you didn’t get the minimum tip, you’d actually make less than the minimum wage. And you couldn’t declare less than that on your taxes.
That was true for the majority of servers, because most of us in the restaurant biz didn’t get to be bartenders and rake it in like Dee described. More servers work the standard boring shift like the Sunday brunch mentioned. And servers usually had to give a percentage of our tips to the bar staff and busboys as well.
You don’t get to make the policies for your employer.
Europe and many other countries pay servers a reasonable wage and tips are actually in appreciation for great service, but that’s not the case in the US.
Every time you hear of a restaurant trying the “pay a living wage” method here they lose customers because they have to charge more for the food to pay the staff.
Other than the luxury sector most restaurants already operate on slim margins.
I’m not excusing Dee’s behavior, it wasn’t the right thing to do. They weren’t required to pay a tip at all so technically not in the wrong. But the system is set up to punish the lowest paid among us when what’s “reasonable and customary” doesn’t occur, and we don’t educate people about the fact that tipping isn’t truly a choice if you’re not intending to punish your server.
I’ve had those same kinds of tables before and worked very hard for the guests only to feel crushed when my “generous” tip wouldn’t even cover the tip share I was required to give at close out.
One more example of how bad the system is for your average worker.
Wow, Anne On doesn't understand social contracts and should probably never ever go out to eat.
If you can’t afford to tip properly, stay out of the restaurant. Most really popular restaurants have waiting lists of people trying to get a table. Don’t screw shit up by not tipping. There are plenty of folks that would be happy to take your place. Also, don’t try and rewrite the hospitality rules on your visit. “ this is what they do in Europe blah, blah.” It is what it is. I speak from 40 years of owning fine dining restaurants in Florida, one of the toughest states to make it. Come in, enjoy yourself, act decent, and leave.
You met a Karen before they were called that. Reminds me of the joke: What do you call a group of Karens?
A homeowners association.
😂😂
Having over the years worked many front facing service jobs, I’ve come to believe that every country should have a law that stipulates that an individuals,first job MUST be customer service job. It would certainly make far more people aware of just how much belittling, abuse, and mistreatment these workers face every day,!
Agreed 💯
Any server will tell you ( and I know many including family) nobody wants to serve the Sunday after church crowd. Most demanding, rude and stingiest people out there. Guess church doesn’t cure evil like they think.
Great story with several solid messages. Entertaining, to boot!
When I was 21, I was a change gal at the Hyatt casino on the north end of Lake Tahoe. It was totally demoralizing (not the least of which was having to wear a fake tuxedo top and having older men slip me their room numbers when I cashed them out). The worst were the busloads of cheap ass day-gamblers who came in from near and far suburbs. Lots of volume, but lowest tips compared to even a slow, non-bus day. Reminds me a lot of your stingy, rude church women. I can recall the dread all these years later.
Sorry for triggering the trauma 😉
I understand Amy! Thanks for reading and commenting.
Cool. I love the Banff Sorings Hotel—and Banff. Been there a few times both seasons. Or. One of my old ski racing buddies Felix Belchyk (Ohh Canada!) owned a place there for awhile after he retired from racing.
Felix ! Yes ! A ‘Crazy Canuck’ ! You might laugh re my ‘Christmas Dayz’ tale.. a ‘memoir styling’ - ridin my thumb from Vancouver to Banff for Christmas Dinner.. Was as well trained as you - but in Toronto & it really helped as bartender to be perfectly ambidextrous with lightning hands..
Can’t wait to read your piece on Pistol Pete. One of my heroes as well. I named one of my dogs after him—all white with tremendous “hops” ☺️
already emailed a link to your fab tale to Karl.. guy I was training to replace me on The Coffee Cart - Spanish Coffees at the table.. night ‘we’ set the woman on fire via methyl hydrate burner - I was already on the bar as well.. Tom Jones was doing two consecutive shows next door @ OKeefe Centre - so two full house ‘hits’ & you know how that goes haha ! 🦎🏴☠️🇨🇦
You might enjoy this one as well.
https://deerambeau.substack.com/p/too-much-snow
Ooooh I feel this pain having been a server in this exact situation so many times. I loved working in restaurants and bars in the 80's and 90's but there was certainly a few challenging situations. I worked in a place during the Olympic Games, it was right beside the grounds where many events were held. It was fascinating to see how folks from different countries treated the serving staff.
I agree Dee, everyone should do it. There's no education like a food and beverage education!
💯 Donna!
I could tell from the start this one would be a hoot, related with fine brio. We should have known each in the day.
P.S. I bartended some, drove a NYC taxi for two years. Similar lessons.
Many fine stories to share I’m sure my friend. ☺️ thanks for the read and the comment.
Second on the sentiment that it should be a requirement to work service industry for everyone- like how Singapore and South Korea require everyone to do military service. Also experienced similar issues with the post-Church crowd on Sunday- the most picky, entitled, cheap crowd of people ever. Definitely saw more than a few of those fake bills that are actually some kind of gimmick to try to “save” you. Just abhorrent behavior.
100% my experience too.
Oh yeah. I put my time in. Some people SUCK SO MUCH.
So much. Thank God only some 🙏
Wow, I’ve never heard a better argument for those small-print disclaimers that limit splitting checks or automatically add a tip for large parties. I’m glad you had a compassionate manager and I only wish he had publicly sided with you, though I can see why he didn’t.
Both of my siblings worked in the service industry and they’ve scared me off ever ordering hot tea, which apparently was the most annoying thing in the world since it involved collecting so many elements. I guess I’m done with RGF’s too.
For some people, I think, part of the fun of going out is creating a fuss — customizing and substituting and dithering and pearl clutching when told no. It’s a shame that the only way they know to feel they re indulging is by treating others like garbage.
Yes Emily there are those people and I met many of them back in the day. That job was so instrumental in helping me understand others—many times to their own detriment 😂
Thanks for weighing in I appreciate you reading 🙏
I never worked a corporate one, but I can absolutely relate as a small town food runner(expediter is the fancy term) and busboy. You definitely learn to recognize a type of people as soon as they come in, even if they aren't regulars. I've served good Christians and I've served Good Christian People, and I'd much rather serve the former.
Relatable piece!
Thank you Lindsay 👍
I’ve worked on and off—currently on—at restaurants the last 25 years. I can relate to this so well. I never confronted a guest over a bad tip, but it’s just because I was able to profile them as soon as I greeted them, so I knew well ahead I was getting fucked. The ebony church ladies give me PTSD. So many times just $5 on a $200 check. And the leader makes a big show of it. “And THIS is for YOU.”
Why do they have to make a show of it? As we say in Texas. “Bless their little hearts.” Little being the operative word here. 🙄
Dee you are a very lucky man if your little brunch experience was an example of a tough day at work. You might want to spend some time with a nurse or personal support worker or soldier or teacher or daycare worker who deal with complex issues and high stakes on the hour. You sound super entitled. You are the Karen in your own story.
That’s me. 😂 Thanks for your ignorant opinion.
Been there, done that. Chased one woman all the way to the front door to give her back her 12 cent tip. I made good money, but I got tired of my income being dependent on the good will of other people.
Yeah me too. Thanks for reading Kathleen