When energies collide

Charity, amends, and the process of personal recovery

Merry Christmas week to all. Thanks for checking in here at Of a Sober Mind. I can report that progress on the book continues. But for today it’s back to the Stack for a moment. The impetus for so many of my essays over the last couple of years has been something I’ve observed or been a part of in my everyday life. Today I’d like to share one of those moments with you.

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Just another day in little ole Wimberley, of which I’ve bragged on often for our small-town feel, big heart, and sophisticated palate. We have a town square. A physical one and a virtual one. The virtual one is a private online community forum hosted on Facebook by a handful of dedicated volunteer moderators, boasts nearly 20,000 members, and is the place to find all of the local news, juice, gripes, and lost pets. I recently had the creator and chief moderator on my local radio show, and it was an interesting and informative discussion. In the 10 years of managing the Facebook group, they’ve taken it from a public to a private group, they’ve blocked thousands of “applicants” to the group through vetting—by asking a few simple questions about the community. The vast majority of the rejected applicants have been either obviously AI-driven FB profiles, blatant product vendors, or fraudulent causes looking for GoFundMe donations.

Once accepted into the private group, the users are expected to follow simple rules of participation and protocol, made clear in the beginning. No politics, no selling, no grifting, no baseless criticisms of local businesses like restaurants and stores without the opportunity for the business owner or manager to respond to the moderators prior to posting. There are a few other reasons why the moderators might give an accepted user a temporary or permanent time-out. Mostly it works. For an engaged community member, it has become one of the few places to find out what’s going on in the community—both above—and below the surface. The city, town council, emergency services, school district, and non-profits are all well-represented. There are also a multitude of Karens. What’s the male version of that? For another day.

A month or so ago, I made a one-word comment on a well-engaged post about a local residential development plan that had the usual variety of for and against comments. Most of the “for” comments revolved around the integrity of the development plan in terms of its small size, its intention to build homes with 100% reliance on rainwater capture for its water supply rather than the already over-taxed local aquifers. Most of the “against” comments were of the normal shut the gate and not in my backyard variety. Hence my one-word comment of Nimby with a smiley face emoji. I am a big proponent of rainwater capture and have developed that capacity for our own home as written about previously here: Where is your line? Hence, I supported the plan as one of the most responsible ones I’d seen recently. The future of the development remains uncertain but that doesn’t prevent the peanut gallery from weighing in.

One user in particular did not appreciate my comment and took it upon himself to disparage me with a couple of non-sequiturs and ad hominem attacks. He even went so far as to research my name and discover that I was an officer and a board member of my community radio station. He then sent an email to the station’s general manager—and who works for the board that I serve—to call out my irresponsible behavior (exact words) in the email—and to request my immediate dismissal from the Board. Our GM forwarded the email to me instantly, as well as his response that no recourse would be taken since my own personal beliefs did not represent the station. Our GM went one step further and took it upon himself to have coffee with his individual to find out what made him tick. He reported back to me that this person was reasonable in person, was likely an ally—and potentially a donor—of the station at some point. I remarked good for him and mostly moved on. I say mostly because…well…me being me. I found a couple of opportunities within the private group to comment on a couple of his posts saying that others ought to be careful not offend or he might send an email to their boss. I quickly ran out of negative energy and left him alone, as he did me.

The kerfuffle died down as they all do and since I didn’t personally know this person named Brandon—I know right? Let’s Go Brandon!—I moved on.

Weeks later my bride Ann and I were having our normal Sunday morning breakfast at the local cafe, a part of our routine that we greatly enjoy since we get to see our friends the owners and other friends from the community on most Sundays. At checkout our server said that our breakfast had been paid for by another patron. I questioned her as to who this person might be. She said he’d asked to do it anonymously, but that she knew his name was Brandon and that he’d left. I smiled and said thank you. I proceeded to tell Ann that I was quite sure I knew who this person was and told her the story for the first time of my previous interactions with this person. She looked at me and said of course you did. She’s not a Facebook fan. Smart lady that bride of mine.

The female half of the husband/wife team that owns and manages the Cafe stopped by our table for our normal interaction. I mentioned the Brandon thing. She said Oh yeah he’s the guy that went after you on the Community Forum. She proceeded to tell us that he was a regular, that he’d nearly been 86’d a couple of times for his behavior but that she thought he was trying to be less hot-headed and that he was working on himself lately. He’d recently lost both parents, gotten baptized into their church, and was trying to do some good in the local community with some of his recently inherited money. We happen to love and trust the judgement of this friend of ours and went with her assessment. I told her I’d pay it forward at some point and we left.

A couple weeks later, at the beginning of this month, a user on the Community Forum posted anonymously that they’d like to offer some help to the local community throughout the month of December. They expressed that on various days of the week through the month they’d be paying for meals. On Mondays in December the first $1,000 of business at the local coffee shop was paid for. Tuesdays were the same at the popular local breakfast taco joint. And so on, with a sizeable donation to seven different local businesses through the four weeks of December. I took the time to comment positively on this poster’s generosity and further spread the news as best I could by speaking about it on my radio show that week.

I suspected that this was Brandon. I decided to send him a DM and thank him for his breakfast generosity and his anonymous gifts. He quickly responded that he was grateful that I had noticed and was really working on creating good works according to the Scriptures he’d been studying. I told him I forgave him for his online transgressions, wished him well, would maintain his anonymity, and hoped that we could find the time to shake one another’s hand one day soon. He responded in kind. The hatchet was buried. We have yet to meet face to face. Being a small town it’s only a matter of time. I can tell you that his entire tone seems to have changed on the Forum. He now posts with intent and intelligence on topics he understands and has responded positively to several of my posts.

My point in telling you this story is that is most definitely is a story of recovery. I have seen myself and others at their absolute worst at times in my life. I know from my own experience with self-reflection and hard work that change happens. The same energy applied to negatively and pain can be equally applied to positivity and joy. The outcome may not always be what we want. Emotions can arise in an instant that can derail us. We cannot have the calm that we want without working hard on our responses. I’ve written about this as well in several of my pieces.

I wish Brandon every success in finding his way. If that journey passes through the Bible, gets side-tracked by the occasional angry outburst on Facebook, so be it. If he’s then able to self-reflect on the ways in which he was the cause rather than the victim, he’s doing the work and can do better next time. We can’t change what happens in the World but we can change how we respond to those things.

Energy is energy. What do you put out to others in your daily interactions?