Hating Trump or Biden is an addiction

Because it feels good like any coping mechanism should

Hello friends and readers. I drop this little nugget for you as I prepare for my honeymoon in the Mediterranean beginning tomorrow. Perugia, Rome, Florence, Tuscany, Aix-en-Provence, Marseilles, Palomos, Barcelona. Part hotel jumping and part cruise—we’re very excited. I intend to do almost zero Substack while I’m there—so please don’t get butt hurt if I don’t keep up my normal reading and engaging frequency. I’m quite sure I’ll be inspired to write quite often.

Stay tuned next week as

Bowen Dwelle

Lyle McKeany

Latham Turner

Joshua Doležal

Sincere American Writing

and I offer up our essays on Money and Work. This will be our third quarterly submission as a men’s writing group—in 2023 we tackled Fatherhood and Recovery.

Here is my humble offering for Friday March 22nd. Enjoy. I’m outta here to do/make/create/be some love in my life.

Love is a verb. So is Hate. Read on.

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Hate is defined as:

• to feel intense or passionate dislike for (someone):

• having a strong aversion to (something):

Addiction is defined by The American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) as:

• a treatable, chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual’s life experiences. People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become compulsive and often continue despite harmful consequences. 

I personally feel that both definitions suffer inaccuracies. I don’t believe that Hate is a feeling any more than I believe that Love is a feeling. Both are actions—behaviors that demonstrate an underlying feeling of chemistry—alignment—attraction—or the opposite. What we see from otherwise physically non-confrontational people on social media might originate from an intense feeling of dislike—but it elevates into hatred by the act of talking or writing about it. Love likewise is a verb. Love is the act of loving someone or something.

All of us hate or love something passively. Thinking, feeling, or saying: I hate cable news! I hate traffic! I love sexy songs and people! I love ice cream! doesn’t by itself demonstrate hate or love. It’s just a feeling and something fun or mean to say.

Similarly—I struggle with the chronic disease definition of addiction—always have. You don’t “catch” addiction. You develop addictive behaviors based upon overusing harmful substances—or overconsuming and repeating harmful information to the detriment of yourself and your life.

The inimitable Bryan Ferry and his band Roxy Music had a wonderful hit in 1975 called Love is the Drug.

Oh-oh, catch that buzz
Love is the drug I'm thinking of
Oh-oh, can't you see?
Love is the drug for me

Great slow dance song to this day. A little moody and a lot funky. The lyrics talk about a subject I’ve riffed on in many of my essays. Anything—including love—hate—ice cream—cocaine—opioids—alcohol—exercise—sex—food—social media engagement—can be used or engaged in an addictive manner by anyone as a coping mechanism to deal with underlying feelings deriving from trauma, worthlessness, inadequacy, loneliness, fear, and diagnosed mental illness.

The year 2024 is upon us. The shit show is in full effect. Hatred is the drug of choice for millions of people coping with whatever their own underlying shit is. It hasn’t always been this way. Presidential politics has always been partisan—but outright hatred of the other side has been increasing geometrically since the dawn of the Internet—smartphones—social media apps—causing massive disassociation from reality. It cannot go on this way! we shout. And yet—it does—and it will.

Every citizen in this country has the inalienable right to express themselves freely—by the law of the First Amendment in the Bill of Rights of the US Constitution. At least on paper that is still the case—although there are numerous lawsuits and investigations and examples of US citizens’ lives being summarily destroyed for expressing an opinion contrary to the prevailing narrative. Running afoul of the appropriate narrative—however insane or false it turns out to be—can get you in a world of hurt.

Back to hate and addiction. Millions of people hate Joe Biden. Millions hate Donald Trump. Millions hate the process that we’re forced to abide by. Most of us sit around and bitch about it on social media—and can’t or won’t actually do anything about it. That is exactly how the powerful want it.

But what makes hate so addictive? Several aspects of it. First of all—it feels good. That’s why we become addicted to things—they taste good. They feel good. They work—to mask the bullshit that we’re unable to—or unwilling to—sit with and deal with otherwise. It just feels good to rant and rave and act like you’re correct and everything would be peachy-keen if it wasn’t for that Bastard in charge—or the one before him—or the one before him. For an alcoholic or an addict to truly change the external things in their life around them—they must look inward. The work is hard. I’ve written about this concept just last week here: Can I get it right now? - by Dee Rambeau - Of a Sober Mind

I have had great writers and otherwise intelligent, thoughtful people tell me that they post their partisan shit because people need to know what an existential moment this is—if I convince even one person then it’s effective. You won’t and you’re not. You are participating in harmful and addictive behavior that ultimately only hurts you—after it feels so good at that moment—ahhhh there I fucking said it! I posted it! See how right I am this time? Wait—this time? This time?

It is incredibly hard to back away from the relentless and ongoing desire to be righteous. It takes real inner work to feel safe and balanced in a world that feeds you fear and anger constantly. It’s literally their business. And they won’t stop—ever. We are the ones that need to stop. Just like an addict will always be able to find supply anytime and anywhere. The cartels and the dealers won’t stop—ever. It’s literally their business. We need to be the ones to dig down—find the willingness—do the work—and fucking stop being hateful. Stop sharing. Your echo chamber will always be there for you. The other side doesn’t fucking care.

But Dee—I’m not being hateful with what I post—I’m just presenting the truth—the facts?!? The truth will win out!

Will it? Is it even the truth? Or is it something you yourself has been fed by someone who lines up with you in your tribe. Your media outlets. Their opinions. It’s their truth and your truth—but is it the truth?

Many psychologists and psychiatrists and spiritual leaders believe that the things you think about the most become the things you talk about the most become the things you feel and maybe react to the most—and becomes what you do and are.

This rant today isn’t about the qualifications of either man who will represent our two realistic choices for POTUS for the next term. A majority of Americans want neither of them. But this is what our obviously ineffective political election system has delivered to us. Like a slow-motion wreck that we cannot look away from—this is what is being fed to us voters. And also fed to the rest of non-voting America that is too uniformed, lazy, cynical, or simply unwilling to vote. Voting is your only choice. That is your only action. That is our reality.

Those of us who do actually vote must make a choice between two old white men who we believe will do less damage to the country.

This essay is not about the choice to vote. It’s appalling how few Americans take the time to vote. It’s also appalling how few Americans understand what they’re voting for. News flash: you’re not the one to convince them to educate themselves or to vote.

Nor is this essay about the two men themselves. There is nothing revelatory or remotely interesting to say about either man that hasn’t already been vomited to us relentlessly by pundits—the media—and social media—including right here on Substack.

He’s the devil incarnate! He’s Hitler! He’s demented! He’s a puppet! He’s a liar! He’s a crook! He’s a threat to Democracy!

I’m so incredibly bored by all of it. Fixing our system is a complex and necessary evolution. Term limits—changes in the corporate media—impactful legislation—and changes in our own thinking—are all elements. We’ve seen from both of these two men that neither one of them can deter a deeply entrenched bureaucratic state.

Social Media is an addiction. Many much more qualified researchers and authors than little ole me have written copiously about it. Jon Haidt is one of my favorites.

Hateful rhetoric is also an addiction in my opinion. If you continue to do it—even if it’s done with righteous intentions—and it’s impacting your own emotions and mental health in a negative way—and you’re unable to stop doing it—you’re an addict.

No one can change you except you. Give us all a break. It’s not working.